My mother is a classic narcissist. Read the Mayo Clinic's definition of Narcissistic Personalty Disorder here, and it describes her pretty damn well.
Today's example will be presented in a pop quiz.
My mother tells me her cat is sneezing a lot.
Is it because:
A. The cat is owned by a woman who smokes three packs of cigarettes a day.
B. Because it's winter in Michigan and the air is cold and dry.
C. The cat might have allergies or some other health condition.
D. It's seen my mom sneeze, and is therefore imitating her.
The correct answer is D. (Logically I think either A, B or C, or some combination thereof would be most likely, but she assures me the cat is observing her and copying her.)
One good example of narcissistic thinking.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Monday, November 18, 2013
Bad logic
Do some older folks just have a tendency to plunge themselves into bad logic?
I had a nice day with my mom over the weekend, mainly taking her shopping and then we went to a Chinese buffet (a favorite of hers, I believe, because she grew up poor and loves the endless food). After a couple plates of food she was saying how now would be the perfect time to have a cigarette so she could relax and then get another plate of food. In our state you can't smoke in bars and restaurants anymore, so my reaction was basically, "yes, but you can't smoke in these establishments anymore." (Personally, I'm glad. Since I quit smoking I really loathe the smell of cigarette smoke, especially when it's near -- as in, 5 feet or closer -- me.)
She always starts on this crazy logic, though, when she wants to smoke but isn't allowed. Usually it's how cars pollute far more than her cigarettes do. Including my car, apparently. (Guess what, mom? My car drives you to the tobacco store ...) I know her brain isn't at its best by any means, but that crazy argument is maddening. And after the car pollution comment she had to mention how her mother smoked while she was pregnant with all four of her kids. A few decades back, everybody smoked. Now we know it's not good for us, and we're not allowed to smoke in malls, restaurants, bars and offices anymore. It's just the way it is. I suspect this is in part why she doesn't want to go to many places anymore, since she can at least smoke her three-plus packs a day in her apartment without issue. Sadly this means she cuts herself off from a lot of social activity. She fights going to a Thanksgiving or Christmas gathering because it's "too often." What, visiting people three or four times a year is too much? Deep down I think it's because she can't smoke like a chimney there and her real hobby and pastime is smoking. She's done it since she was 15 and has never really stopped. I'm all for doing what you like, but it just comes across as ridiculous to me to say "f*** you" to family because you love your cigarettes more.
And my point about logic has gone off course, I fear. Maybe I need a cigarette to focus. (No, I don't. Just another cup of coffee will suffice...)
I had a nice day with my mom over the weekend, mainly taking her shopping and then we went to a Chinese buffet (a favorite of hers, I believe, because she grew up poor and loves the endless food). After a couple plates of food she was saying how now would be the perfect time to have a cigarette so she could relax and then get another plate of food. In our state you can't smoke in bars and restaurants anymore, so my reaction was basically, "yes, but you can't smoke in these establishments anymore." (Personally, I'm glad. Since I quit smoking I really loathe the smell of cigarette smoke, especially when it's near -- as in, 5 feet or closer -- me.)
She always starts on this crazy logic, though, when she wants to smoke but isn't allowed. Usually it's how cars pollute far more than her cigarettes do. Including my car, apparently. (Guess what, mom? My car drives you to the tobacco store ...) I know her brain isn't at its best by any means, but that crazy argument is maddening. And after the car pollution comment she had to mention how her mother smoked while she was pregnant with all four of her kids. A few decades back, everybody smoked. Now we know it's not good for us, and we're not allowed to smoke in malls, restaurants, bars and offices anymore. It's just the way it is. I suspect this is in part why she doesn't want to go to many places anymore, since she can at least smoke her three-plus packs a day in her apartment without issue. Sadly this means she cuts herself off from a lot of social activity. She fights going to a Thanksgiving or Christmas gathering because it's "too often." What, visiting people three or four times a year is too much? Deep down I think it's because she can't smoke like a chimney there and her real hobby and pastime is smoking. She's done it since she was 15 and has never really stopped. I'm all for doing what you like, but it just comes across as ridiculous to me to say "f*** you" to family because you love your cigarettes more.
And my point about logic has gone off course, I fear. Maybe I need a cigarette to focus. (No, I don't. Just another cup of coffee will suffice...)
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Hello
After I'd griped -- again -- about some of the stuff I deal with regarding my 75-year-old mother, a Facebook friend suggested I blog about it. Of course this person went the flattery route, saying I could do it humorously (I do tend to troll for laughs, I admit) and could give voice to an all-too-common problem. Sold!
So, here it is -- Elder Whine -- a bad (or good? I like it anyways) pun on elderberry wine, which seems to be something more elderly folks drink and, yeah, whining about older folks.
That's not to say I don't love or respect my elders. Older people have a lot of wisdom and great stories, but when a person who is very hard of hearing refuses to get a hearing aid and mishears a lot of what I say (like my mother does) even when they can afford it (like my mother can), I can't help but want to scream.
So this is a place for me to vent about some of the issues I'm dealing with when it comes to my mom: the hard-of-hearing times, the bouts of dementia, and the plain old wild talk she throws my way. Some days she's good and fun to be around, and others, I want to put her in a home, ASAP.
And I should note one thing: My mother is a supreme eccentric. Whether it's due to real eccentricities or it's a mask for potential bipolar and narcissism, I'll leave that to a therapist to judge, by my mom is a fountain of odd and colorful stories.
Here's a tidbit: She was busted for a DUI in the mid 1980s, and had to go to Alcoholics Anonymous as part of her treatment. There, she picked up drinking buddies. That's nothing to do with her 70-something partially senile self, but it's some of the foundation.
There'll be plenty more to come, I assure you of that.
So, here it is -- Elder Whine -- a bad (or good? I like it anyways) pun on elderberry wine, which seems to be something more elderly folks drink and, yeah, whining about older folks.
That's not to say I don't love or respect my elders. Older people have a lot of wisdom and great stories, but when a person who is very hard of hearing refuses to get a hearing aid and mishears a lot of what I say (like my mother does) even when they can afford it (like my mother can), I can't help but want to scream.
So this is a place for me to vent about some of the issues I'm dealing with when it comes to my mom: the hard-of-hearing times, the bouts of dementia, and the plain old wild talk she throws my way. Some days she's good and fun to be around, and others, I want to put her in a home, ASAP.
And I should note one thing: My mother is a supreme eccentric. Whether it's due to real eccentricities or it's a mask for potential bipolar and narcissism, I'll leave that to a therapist to judge, by my mom is a fountain of odd and colorful stories.
Here's a tidbit: She was busted for a DUI in the mid 1980s, and had to go to Alcoholics Anonymous as part of her treatment. There, she picked up drinking buddies. That's nothing to do with her 70-something partially senile self, but it's some of the foundation.
There'll be plenty more to come, I assure you of that.
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